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<DIV><FONT face="Comic Sans MS" color=#800000 size=2>Hi Gang,</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face="Comic Sans MS" color=#800000 size=2>My little family and I went
to the pool today and had an excellent time. It's great to have the
opportunity for my kids to play with others in the
neighborhood. </FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face="Comic Sans MS" color=#800000 size=2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face="Comic Sans MS" color=#800000 size=2>However, at one point I
counted 16 people in the pool that were not from our
neighborhood.</FONT><FONT face="Comic Sans MS" color=#800000
size=2> I tried (which is VERY hard for me) to confront them
about having to have a homeowner with them while using the amenities, but that
didn't work. Needless to say, it was rather crowded.
</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face="Comic Sans MS" color=#800000 size=2>I'm not good at
confrontation. Any suggestions?</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face="Comic Sans MS" color=#800000 size=2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face="Comic Sans MS" color=#800000 size=2>In addition, t</FONT><FONT
face="Comic Sans MS" color=#800000 size=2>he pool and bathrooms look
great. Thank you board and other volunteers for the work you do
for our neighborhood :) </FONT></DIV>
<DIV>Jennifer Martin<BR>ESOL Instructor<BR>White Elementary<BR>Pine Log
Elementary</DIV>
<BLOCKQUOTE
style="PADDING-RIGHT: 0px; PADDING-LEFT: 5px; MARGIN-LEFT: 5px; BORDER-LEFT: #800000 2px solid; MARGIN-RIGHT: 0px">
<DIV style="FONT: 10pt arial">----- Original Message ----- </DIV>
<DIV
style="BACKGROUND: #e4e4e4; FONT: 10pt arial; font-color: black"><B>From:</B>
<A title=roger.hackler@comcast.net
href="mailto:roger.hackler@comcast.net">Roger Hackler</A> </DIV>
<DIV style="FONT: 10pt arial"><B>To:</B> <A title=nhhoa@nhhoa.org
href="mailto:nhhoa@nhhoa.org">'North Hampton Homeowners Association'</A>
</DIV>
<DIV style="FONT: 10pt arial"><B>Sent:</B> Sunday, June 01, 2008 8:15 PM</DIV>
<DIV style="FONT: 10pt arial"><B>Subject:</B> [Nhhoa] Peaceful
Coexistance</DIV>
<DIV><BR></DIV>
<DIV class=Section1>
<P><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial','sans-serif'">Here
are some helpful suggestions for achieving a peaceful coexistence with your
neighbor:</SPAN><o:p></o:p></P>
<P><B><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial','sans-serif'">Before
There is a Concern:</SPAN><o:p></o:p></B></P>
<P><B><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial','sans-serif'">Meet
your neighbor. </SPAN></B><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial','sans-serif'">Introduce
yourself at the mailbox, when taking a walk, or when you see the moving boxes
arrive. Learning your neighbors’ name and regularly offering a cordial "good
morning" or "hello" can be the start of a positive relationship. Don’t worry
about whether or not they reciprocate. The important thing is that you are
making an effort. Don’t wait until you have a problem to meet your
neighbor.</SPAN><o:p></o:p></P>
<P><B><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial','sans-serif'">Keep
your neighbors informed.</SPAN></B><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial','sans-serif'">
Contact your neighbors before you do something that might affect them—such as
hosting a big party, building a fence, cutting down a tree, or getting a new
dog. Informing your neighbors ahead of time allows them to make plans or tell
you how your project will affect them. Getting their input lets you act in a
way that avoids problems.</SPAN><o:p></o:p></P>
<P><B><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial','sans-serif'">Observe
the Golden Rule.</SPAN></B><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial','sans-serif'">
Treat your neighbors the way they would like to be treated. Set an example by
being considerate about noise from vehicles, tools, stereos, group activities
and pets.</SPAN><o:p></o:p></P>
<P><B><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial','sans-serif'">Be
aware of differences.</SPAN></B><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial','sans-serif'">
Differences in age, ethnic background, years in the neighborhood, etc. can
lead to conflicting expectations or misunderstandings unless you make an
effort to communicate and understand each other. </SPAN><o:p></o:p></P>
<P><B><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial','sans-serif'">Consider
your neighbors’ view.</SPAN></B><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial','sans-serif'"> How
does your compost pile, dog run, or son’s car parts look from your neighbors’
backyard or windows? Keep areas that are in others’ view reasonably
presentable. </SPAN><o:p></o:p></P>
<P><B><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial','sans-serif'">Be
appreciative.</SPAN></B><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial','sans-serif'"> If
your neighbor does something you like, tell them! They will be pleased that
you noticed the yard work or the new paint job. It will be easier to talk
later when they do something that you don’t like.</SPAN><o:p></o:p></P>
<P><B><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial','sans-serif'">When
There is a Problem:</SPAN><o:p></o:p></B></P>
<P><B><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial','sans-serif'">Don’t
assume that discussing it will aggravate your neighbor.</SPAN></B><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial','sans-serif'"> Your
neighbors can’t help resolve a problem they don’t know exists. Focus
on:</SPAN><o:p></o:p></P>
<P style="MARGIN-LEFT: 0.5in; TEXT-INDENT: -0.25in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1"><![if !supportLists]><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Symbol"><SPAN
style="mso-list: Ignore">·<SPAN
style="FONT: 7pt 'Times New Roman'">
</SPAN></SPAN></SPAN><![endif]><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial','sans-serif'">Learning
rather than delivering a message</SPAN> <o:p></o:p></P>
<P style="MARGIN-LEFT: 0.5in; TEXT-INDENT: -0.25in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1"><![if !supportLists]><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Symbol"><SPAN
style="mso-list: Ignore">·<SPAN
style="FONT: 7pt 'Times New Roman'">
</SPAN></SPAN></SPAN><![endif]><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial','sans-serif'">Understanding
rather than blaming</SPAN> <o:p></o:p></P>
<P style="MARGIN-LEFT: 0.5in; TEXT-INDENT: -0.25in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1"><![if !supportLists]><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Symbol"><SPAN
style="mso-list: Ignore">·<SPAN
style="FONT: 7pt 'Times New Roman'">
</SPAN></SPAN></SPAN><![endif]><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial','sans-serif'">Joint
problem solving rather than who is at fault</SPAN> <o:p></o:p></P>
<P><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial','sans-serif'">If
you use these approaches, the conversation will usually go better than you
think. Neighbors are often not aware that their actions are negatively
affecting others. Usually, people are willing to make changes if you approach
them respectfully.</SPAN><o:p></o:p></P>
<P><B><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial','sans-serif'">Don’t
assume you know your neighbors’ intentions.</SPAN></B><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial','sans-serif'"> If
your neighbor does something that irritates you, don’t assume that it was done
on purpose. Presume the neighbor doesn’t know about the annoyance. Giving them
the benefit of the doubt will make it easier for you to talk about the
situation.</SPAN><o:p></o:p></P>
<P><B><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial','sans-serif'">Don’t
wait to talk about things that bother you.</SPAN></B><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial','sans-serif'"> If
your neighbor does something that bothers you, let them know. By communicating
early and calmly, you take a big step forward toward resolving the problem.
Don’t wait until a minor irritation becomes a major issue and makes it
difficult to discuss.</SPAN><o:p></o:p></P>
<P><B><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial','sans-serif'">Separate
the person from the problem. </SPAN></B><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial','sans-serif'">Conflict
can happen whenever two or more people interact with one another. It occurs
because we are all unique individuals with different perspectives, values, and
needs. Focusing on <I>the</I> <I>issue, not the person</I> will allow you to
take care of the problem while maintaining or improving your relationship with
your neighbor.</SPAN><o:p></o:p></P>
<P><B><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial','sans-serif'">Be
respectful. </SPAN></B><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial','sans-serif'">Talk
directly with the neighbor involved with the problem. Don’t gossip or spread
rumors with other neighbors. Gossip damages relationships and can hurt other
people. Problem solving is only possible when we treat each other with
respect.</SPAN><o:p></o:p></P>
<P><B><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial','sans-serif'">Be
calm. </SPAN></B><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial','sans-serif'">If a
neighbor approaches you accusingly about a difficulty, listen carefully and
thank them for telling you how they feel. You don’t have to agree or justify
your behavior. If you can listen and not react defensively, then their anger
will subside, the lines of communication will remain open, and there is a good
chance of working things out.</SPAN><o:p></o:p></P>
<P><B><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial','sans-serif'">Listen
well. </SPAN></B><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial','sans-serif'">When
you discuss a problem, try to understand how your neighbor feels about an
issue and why. Understanding is not the same as agreeing, but will increase
the likelihood of a solution that works for you both. Summarize what you hear
and ask questions to clarify your understanding of their view of the problem.
</SPAN><o:p></o:p></P>
<P><B><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial','sans-serif'">If
things get heated, take a break. </SPAN></B><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial','sans-serif'">If
you need to, take a break to calm down and think about what you and your
neighbor have discussed. Arrange a time to finish the conversation later, and
then do so. It’s hard to problem solve when you are having a heated
discussion. </SPAN><o:p></o:p></P>
<P><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial','sans-serif'">Constructive
communication can resolve conflict, and talking things over directly is the
best way to handle problems, and avoid enforcement or the
courts.</SPAN><o:p></o:p></P>
<P><I><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial','sans-serif'">From
the City of Beaverton Oregon Dispute Resolution Center</SPAN></I><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial','sans-serif'">.</SPAN><o:p></o:p></P>
<P class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></P></DIV>
<P>
<HR>
<P></P>_______________________________________________<BR>NHHOA mailing
list<BR>NHHOA@nhhoa.org<BR>http://mail.nhhoa.org/mailman/listinfo/nhhoa_nhhoa.org<BR></BLOCKQUOTE></BODY></HTML>