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<p><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Arial","sans-serif";color:black'>Here
are some helpful suggestions for achieving a peaceful coexistence with your
neighbor:</span><o:p></o:p></p>
<p><b><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Arial","sans-serif";
color:black'>Before There is a Concern:</span><o:p></o:p></b></p>
<p><b><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Arial","sans-serif";
color:black'>Meet your neighbor. </span></b><span style='font-size:11.0pt;
font-family:"Arial","sans-serif";color:black'>Introduce yourself at the
mailbox, when taking a walk, or when you see the moving boxes arrive. Learning
your neighbors’ name and regularly offering a cordial "good
morning" or "hello" can be the start of a positive relationship.
Don’t worry about whether or not they reciprocate. The important thing is
that you are making an effort. Don’t wait until you have a problem to
meet your neighbor.</span><o:p></o:p></p>
<p><b><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Arial","sans-serif";
color:black'>Keep your neighbors informed.</span></b><span style='font-size:
11.0pt;font-family:"Arial","sans-serif";color:black'> Contact your neighbors
before you do something that might affect them—such as hosting a big
party, building a fence, cutting down a tree, or getting a new dog. Informing
your neighbors ahead of time allows them to make plans or tell you how your
project will affect them. Getting their input lets you act in a way that avoids
problems.</span><o:p></o:p></p>
<p><b><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Arial","sans-serif";
color:black'>Observe the Golden Rule.</span></b><span style='font-size:11.0pt;
font-family:"Arial","sans-serif";color:black'> Treat your neighbors the way
they would like to be treated. Set an example by being considerate about noise
from vehicles, tools, stereos, group activities and pets.</span><o:p></o:p></p>
<p><b><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Arial","sans-serif";
color:black'>Be aware of differences.</span></b><span style='font-size:11.0pt;
font-family:"Arial","sans-serif";color:black'> Differences in age, ethnic
background, years in the neighborhood, etc. can lead to conflicting
expectations or misunderstandings unless you make an effort to communicate and
understand each other. </span><o:p></o:p></p>
<p><b><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Arial","sans-serif";
color:black'>Consider your neighbors’ view.</span></b><span
style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Arial","sans-serif";color:black'> How does
your compost pile, dog run, or son’s car parts look from your
neighbors’ backyard or windows? Keep areas that are in others’ view
reasonably presentable. </span><o:p></o:p></p>
<p><b><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Arial","sans-serif";
color:black'>Be appreciative.</span></b><span style='font-size:11.0pt;
font-family:"Arial","sans-serif";color:black'> If your neighbor does something
you like, tell them! They will be pleased that you noticed the yard work or the
new paint job. It will be easier to talk later when they do something that you
don’t like.</span><o:p></o:p></p>
<p><b><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Arial","sans-serif";
color:black'>When There is a Problem:</span><o:p></o:p></b></p>
<p><b><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Arial","sans-serif";
color:black'>Don’t assume that discussing it will aggravate your
neighbor.</span></b><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Arial","sans-serif";
color:black'> Your neighbors can’t help resolve a problem they
don’t know exists. Focus on:</span><o:p></o:p></p>
<p style='margin-left:.5in;text-indent:-.25in;mso-list:l0 level1 lfo1'><![if !supportLists]><span
style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:Symbol'><span style='mso-list:Ignore'>·<span
style='font:7.0pt "Times New Roman"'>
</span></span></span><![endif]><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Arial","sans-serif";
color:black'>Learning rather than delivering a message</span> <o:p></o:p></p>
<p style='margin-left:.5in;text-indent:-.25in;mso-list:l0 level1 lfo1'><![if !supportLists]><span
style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:Symbol'><span style='mso-list:Ignore'>·<span
style='font:7.0pt "Times New Roman"'>
</span></span></span><![endif]><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Arial","sans-serif";
color:black'>Understanding rather than blaming</span> <o:p></o:p></p>
<p style='margin-left:.5in;text-indent:-.25in;mso-list:l0 level1 lfo1'><![if !supportLists]><span
style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:Symbol'><span style='mso-list:Ignore'>·<span
style='font:7.0pt "Times New Roman"'>
</span></span></span><![endif]><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Arial","sans-serif";
color:black'>Joint problem solving rather than who is at fault</span> <o:p></o:p></p>
<p><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Arial","sans-serif";color:black'>If
you use these approaches, the conversation will usually go better than you
think. Neighbors are often not aware that their actions are negatively
affecting others. Usually, people are willing to make changes if you approach
them respectfully.</span><o:p></o:p></p>
<p><b><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Arial","sans-serif";
color:black'>Don’t assume you know your neighbors’ intentions.</span></b><span
style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Arial","sans-serif";color:black'> If your
neighbor does something that irritates you, don’t assume that it was done
on purpose. Presume the neighbor doesn’t know about the annoyance. Giving
them the benefit of the doubt will make it easier for you to talk about the
situation.</span><o:p></o:p></p>
<p><b><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Arial","sans-serif";
color:black'>Don’t wait to talk about things that bother you.</span></b><span
style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Arial","sans-serif";color:black'> If your
neighbor does something that bothers you, let them know. By communicating early
and calmly, you take a big step forward toward resolving the problem.
Don’t wait until a minor irritation becomes a major issue and makes it
difficult to discuss.</span><o:p></o:p></p>
<p><b><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Arial","sans-serif";
color:black'>Separate the person from the problem. </span></b><span
style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Arial","sans-serif";color:black'>Conflict
can happen whenever two or more people interact with one another. It occurs
because we are all unique individuals with different perspectives, values, and
needs. Focusing on <i>the</i> <i>issue, not the person</i> will allow you to
take care of the problem while maintaining or improving your relationship with
your neighbor.</span><o:p></o:p></p>
<p><b><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Arial","sans-serif";
color:black'>Be respectful. </span></b><span style='font-size:11.0pt;
font-family:"Arial","sans-serif";color:black'>Talk directly with the neighbor
involved with the problem. Don’t gossip or spread rumors with other
neighbors. Gossip damages relationships and can hurt other people. Problem
solving is only possible when we treat each other with respect.</span><o:p></o:p></p>
<p><b><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Arial","sans-serif";
color:black'>Be calm. </span></b><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:
"Arial","sans-serif";color:black'>If a neighbor approaches you accusingly about
a difficulty, listen carefully and thank them for telling you how they feel.
You don’t have to agree or justify your behavior. If you can listen and
not react defensively, then their anger will subside, the lines of
communication will remain open, and there is a good chance of working things
out.</span><o:p></o:p></p>
<p><b><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Arial","sans-serif";
color:black'>Listen well. </span></b><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:
"Arial","sans-serif";color:black'>When you discuss a problem, try to understand
how your neighbor feels about an issue and why. Understanding is not the same
as agreeing, but will increase the likelihood of a solution that works for you
both. Summarize what you hear and ask questions to clarify your understanding
of their view of the problem. </span><o:p></o:p></p>
<p><b><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Arial","sans-serif";
color:black'>If things get heated, take a break. </span></b><span
style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Arial","sans-serif";color:black'>If you need
to, take a break to calm down and think about what you and your neighbor have
discussed. Arrange a time to finish the conversation later, and then do so.
It’s hard to problem solve when you are having a heated discussion. </span><o:p></o:p></p>
<p><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Arial","sans-serif";color:black'>Constructive
communication can resolve conflict, and talking things over directly is the
best way to handle problems, and avoid enforcement or the courts.</span><o:p></o:p></p>
<p><i><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Arial","sans-serif";
color:black'>From the City of Beaverton Oregon Dispute Resolution Center</span></i><span
style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Arial","sans-serif";color:black'>.</span><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p>
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